Is there a stigma surrounding being single at fifty? Or is there simply a
stigma around being single at all?
I know many single women who share the same frustration: the head tilt
and the inevitable question, “Have you met anyone yet?” When the
answer is no—and they learn you’ve been single for a while—the
follow-up is almost always, “What’s wrong with you?”
What’s wrong with me? How about asking instead: Why do you feel the
need to be in a relationship? Why are single women, who are
thriving—happy, successful, and independent—treated as though
something is missing? Why can’t people say, “Wow, you’re doing
amazing! How do you do it?”
Instead, the question is always: Why are you single?
My answer? I have yet to meet someone worth the compromises a
relationship requires. My last relationship took everything from me—I lost
myself completely. I gave up my career, my independence, and my
sense of self to be a stay-at-home mum, supporting someone else’s
ambitions. Now, after rebuilding my life and choosing myself first, I’m met
with pity?
We’re told that women should be strong, independent, and successful.
Yet, when we embody these qualities, society often treats us as if we’ve
somehow fallen short.
I have a fulfilling career, I run my own life, I’m raising my children on my
own, I travel often, I surround myself with incredible friends, I prioritize
my health, and I take care of my well-being. And yet, because I’m not in
a relationship, I’m seen as lacking?
Why is a woman’s worth still measured by her relationship status rather
than her achievements, happiness, and resilience? It’s time to challenge
this outdated narrative and redefine success on our own terms.
Celebrating 50
This January, I am celebrating turning 50—a milestone that holds
profound meaning for me. A dear friend of mine fought fiercely to reach
this age, but cancer took that chance from her. When I turned 50, I
raised a glass in her honour. She was an inspiration, and I carry her spirit
with me every day.
For me, turning 50 is a privilege. I am healthy, I have raised two
incredible children, and I feel immense gratitude for the life I’ve built. My
daughter is studying at university in the UK, working, and exploring the
world. My son is thriving in college, pursuing his own unique path. They
have different aspirations, and as a parent, that fills me with pride.
I have never subscribed to a “do as I say, not as I do” approach to
parenting. As a therapist, I often see parents assuming they know what’s
wrong with their child. But in most cases, nothing is wrong—we are all
simply making choices, and choices come with consequences. Children
don’t just listen to what we say; they follow the patterns we set. (This is a
topic I’ll explore in another article.)
A decade ago, I made a choice—to put myself first. I prioritised my
mental and physical health, knowing that by doing so, I would become a
better parent, pursue my education, and gain the qualifications I needed
to be independent and run my own business.
The result? I have raised two strong, independent, and confident
children. I successfully run two businesses—one in property and one in
therapy—both of which I love. Had I chosen a different path, my life
might look very different. But I made decisions that allowed me to be
fully present for my children, ensuring they never felt like latchkey kids. I
worked hard to care for myself and for them, and I am proud to say it has
all worked out beautifully.
For years, I focused on raising a strong daughter who knows her worth.
And then I realised—I was also raising a good man. A man who
understands how to treat women with kindness and respect. My goal has
always been for them to follow their own happiness—whether that
means being in a relationship or embracing life on their own terms.
So here I am at 50: healthy, happy, successful, and deeply grateful. And
yet, the question I still get asked is… “Why are you single?”
At My Table
As I turn 50, I celebrate the incredible women in my life—strong, loving,
kind, and full of laughter. They are amazing mothers, successful
business owners (because let’s be honest, running a business is no
small feat), and they navigate everything else life throws their way with
grace and resilience. I am deeply grateful for their presence in my life.
And no, not all of them are single. But what they share is a fierce
independence, a zest for life, and an unwavering strength—the kind of
people I want in my circle.
That said, it’s not just women. I have incredible male friends too, which
brings me to another question I hear all too often: “Can a person be
single and still have close friends of the opposite sex?”
My take? It’s up to the individuals involved. Let people do what makes
them happy. And really—why does it matter to anyone else?
At my table, I welcome integrity, honesty, kindness, loyalty, and love.
These are the qualities I seek not only in friends but also in a partner.
Is it easy to find? Not as easy as you’d think.
So, the next time you feel the urge to ask someone, “Why are you
single?” or worse, “What’s wrong with you?”—pause for a moment.
Instead, try asking, “Have you met someone truly deserving of you?”